When a relationship breaks down, the noise of separation can be overwhelming. As parents, you are trying to deal with massive life changes, untangle finances, and figure out the best path forward. Amidst the stress, it is easy to worry about how your children are truly coping.
You want to protect them from adult conflict, but you also want to ensure their feelings aren’t lost in the shuffle. That is where Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) comes in.
At Kent Family Mediation Service, we offer CIM as a gentle, structured way to bring your child’s voice into the decision-making process, without forcing them to choose sides.
What Exactly is Child Inclusive Mediation?
Child Inclusive Mediation is a specialised process where a professionally trained, DBS-checked mediator invites children (usually aged 10 or older, depending on maturity) to have a private, confidential discussion.
It is often called a “listening meeting.” It is absolutely not about asking children to make tough choices or take on parental responsibilities. Instead, it provides a safe, neutral space outside of the home for them to express their thoughts, worries, and hopes about the future.
CIM is entirely voluntary. It only happens if both parents agree, and—most importantly, if the child wants to participate.
Most importantly, it is confidential, we only report back what the child wants us to say, unless of course there are safeguarding concerns.
What Do Children Worry About?
While parents are often focused on the big picture, like properties or legal structures, children frequently worry about the day-to-day details of their changing world.
During these sessions, children often raise questions that parents hadn’t even thought of:
- “Will I still be able to go to my football club on Saturdays?”
- “Where will the family dog live?”
- “How often will I get to see my grandparents?”
- “Will I have to move schools and leave my friends?”
Hearing these specific worries allows parents to build a practical parenting plan that addresses what actually matters to the children.
How the Process Works
We take immense care when involving young people in mediation.
Here is the typical journey:
- First, you and your ex-partner meet with the mediator to discuss whether CIM is appropriate for your family’s circumstances.
- If agreed, the child is invited to a confidential meeting.
- The mediator meets with the child. This meeting is completely confidential. The child decides exactly what they are comfortable sharing with you.
- The mediator meets back up with the parents to share the child’s agreed points.
The Benefits:
Research consistently shows that children benefit immensely from being consulted. It reassures them that their feelings matter and that they are being taken seriously.
For parents, hearing this feedback can be a powerful turning point. It often cuts through the adversarial tension and realigns both parents around a shared goal: the happiness and stability of their children.
Many families find that once they understand their child’s true perspective, reaching an amicable, lasting agreement becomes much easier, saving months of stressful, expensive court battles.
Funding Support Available
We believe family mediation should be accessible. If you are exploring child arrangements, you may be eligible for the Ministry of Justice £500 Mediation Voucher Scheme, which can help cover the costs of your sessions.
For those on lower incomes, Legal Aid funding may also be available.
If you are separating and want to ensure your children’s voices are safely heard, get in touch with our team at Kent Family Mediation Service today to discuss how we can support your family.
If you would like to find out if you qualify for Legal Aid, or if you want to learn more about how Child Inclusive Mediation can support your family, please reach out to us today.
Start the process and make a referral through our website at https://kentfms.co.uk/make-a-referral/make-a-mediation-referral/ or phone us on 01795 410457 to book a separate mediation information meeting or MIAM.