Couples in Kent who are looking to separate this January are missing the help they desperately need because they don’t know which way to turn, a Kent based family charity has warned. 

January sees a traditional rise in divorce and separation, and many Kent families have emerged from the festive season having been battered by pressures on finances and relationships that were highlighted during the holiday. 

Staff at family dispute specialists, Kent Family Mediation are on New Year alert, gearing up for a huge increase in calls, emails and website visits. 

“At a time of crisis, you need to know where you can turn for help,” says Debbie Hillman of Kent Family Mediation.

“There will be many local couples who’ve decided for sure in the last couple of weeks to separate, but they’ll need more information about their options as they look to make arrangements for parenting, property, and finance.   

“Many will think they must head off to a solicitor to prepare for a very expensive and protracted court room confrontation in which they can achieve a ‘victory’ over their ex. However, there are alternative approaches that are quicker, much cheaper, and much less stressful. “

“There is no need to leave it to a court to make vital life-changing decisions.” 

“You can instead choose to talk with a professional family mediator who will help you agree on the vital things that need to be sorted for the future. Family mediation is a much, much quicker process, allowing you to remain in control of all the decisions affecting your family’s future.”

“Professional mediators are highly skilled third party negotiators with experience in helping families create long-term solutions that work well for their particular circumstances. Rather than leaving it to a court to decide who will live where, what happens to the money, debts, and pensions, and arrangements for the children, mediation empowers families themselves to decide these things.”

Kent Family Mediation Service has professional, accredited family mediators that can help families resolve all the practical, legal, emotional, and financial issues that arise from separation. Most importantly, they can help families make long lasting arrangements that benefit their children.

Legal Aid remains available those who are assessed as being eligible to claim it, entitling them to free family mediation.

Make a referral to arrange an appointment for family mediation in Kent.

As Big Ben chimed in the New Year, many people will have made promises to themselves or to their nearest and dearest about making changes that will improve, or enrich their lives. Perhaps promising themselves a healthier lifestyle, a better job, spending more time with their children, or by just taking more time for themselves. Making even small changes like this can have a big and positive impact on a person’s quality of life and indeed many of these changes can be made easily and without any significant or major upheaval. Making minor changes to one’s life are one thing, however, what if these changes involve splitting up with someone you live with, or are in a relationship with, or getting a divorce from someone that you are married to.

A divorce is one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person’s life. Moving house is also high up on the ‘Most Stressful List’, but what if splitting up with someone also involves moving out of the family home? This would count as a ‘double whammy’ on the stress factor list!

“Should I stay, or should I go?”

When faced with this huge, life changing decision, some people might decide it is safer and more sensible to stay put and to make promises to themselves, or their partners to try to make the relationship work, perhaps by going to marriage guidance, or relationship therapy together. Whilst other people may be of the belief that their relationship cannot be saved, and have therefore made the decision that, there is no future for them with their partner.

Making the break can be extremely difficult, especially if one person is not happy with the decision, is wondering which one of them, (or whether both of them) will have to leave the family home, has nowhere to turn to for help, and does not know what their options are.

Family mediation can be extremely helpful for anyone in this situation. Family mediation is far cheaper than going through lawyers and family mediation is quicker than going down the legal route. Family mediation is more amicable and far less stressful than sorting matters out acrimoniously in court. Affordable family mediation fees can be paid for privately, or they can be free if someone is assessed as being eligible to claim Legal Aid. A MIAM (mediation information & assessment meeting) has for some time now been compulsory in most instances before an application to start Court proceedings can be made, and very often Court Judges will make an order in Court for opposing sides to attend family mediation with a view to them sort out matters between themselves outside of the Court process.

Family mediation meetings will take place between a qualified, experienced family mediator and both people who want to end their relationship and these will take place away from the family home, in a neutral, safe, and supportive environment. It is a mediator’s job to be impartial, realistic, and knowledgeable in their approach to gathering both people’s wishes and goals in respect of the arrangements for any children of the relationship, what happens to the family home and how any debts, savings, pensions, or other assets will be divided up. The family mediator will act as a guide and facilitator to the discussions and negotiations that will take place and the family mediator will help both people to weigh up all the options before reaching an agreement that both people will find acceptable. The mediation agreement will also take into account any needs, or wishes of any children of the family and discussions can include making plans about the best way to go about telling the children about the separation. Agreements reached during family mediation can be made legally binding without the need to have to go to court.

There are a number of Family Mediation Centres in Kent. To arrange an appointment for Mediation, you will first need to make a referral.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most ‘romantic day of the year’, conjuring up mental images of romance; candlelit dinners, wedding proposals, red hearts, chocolates, and flowers.

Those of us who are commercially aware will have noticed that shortly after the festive season was over, the retail industry had already started promoting the sales of cards and gifts in anticipation of St Valentine’s Day on 14 February. In addition to the retail hype, on the day itself, a frenzy of ‘Valentine’s Day mania’ will spread across a wealth of media sources from; TV adverts, magazines, newspapers, and online news features. There will also undoubtedly be many millions of Valentine s Day posts flooding onto social media platforms depicting cheesy cartoons, slushy poems, amid photos and video streaming of loved up couples declaring their undying love for each other.  

Debbie Hillman of Kent Family Mediation Service points out, “With so much hype surrounding Valentine’s Day these days, that wherever we go or whatever we do, there really is no getting away from it. Valentine’s Day can be an extremely upsetting time for many people; especially if they have found themselves single through no choice of their own and ‘Valentines Day’ can leave them feeling very resentful.” Debbie goes on to explain, “We often see mediation clients who feel desperately unhappy and alone at this time of year and they cannot move on after the relationship split because they are still locked in arguments with their ex over children, finances or the family home. Unresolved arguments can leave them feeling angry and this can be exasperated especially if they parted with their ex on bad terms. Family mediation can bring a great sense of relief to these people, who may (for many months, or maybe even years), have been entrenched in arguments or bad feeling, with their ex partner, husband or wife and other extended family members. Family Mediation enables people who that have been affected by a divorce, relationship split, or family separation, to discuss, negotiate, and reach agreements with their ex or another person. With the help of a trained family mediator, they can meet up, in a safe and neutral place, outside of court to reach a mutual agreement, which can be made legally binding. Family mediation can help them to both to draw a line under everything and empower them to move forward with their lives, whilst also putting the needs of any children first.

Family mediation is less acrimonious and it is much more cost effective that going down the legal route. Contrary to popular belief, Legal Aid is still available for family mediation and anyone who is assessed as being eligible to claim it will receive free mediation, with the other person in the case also benefiting from a free mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM) and a free first mediation meeting once eligibility is confirmed.”

Make a referral for family mediation in Kent 

With our thoughts turning to Mother’s Day on Sunday 11^th March, one cannot help trying to imagine how many Mother’s Day cards may be bought in celebration of Mother’s Day.

To give some insight into the number of Mother’s Day cards that may be sold, last year’s National Statistics office for 2016 stated that there were 12.7 million families living in the UK. Assuming that every, Mother was to receive a card that is a record-breaking number of cards!

According to Charity Gingerbread statistics there are now approx. 2 million single parents living in the UK, which highlights the sad fact that because of a family breakup, a great number of Mothers, or indeed Grandmothers may not be receiving a card this Mother’s Day.

Debbie Hillman from Charity Kent Family Mediation Service explains, “When a relationship breakdown happens between parents, very often the dynamics of that family unit will change. If the parent’s separation was not amicable, or there are unresolved issues over money, child maintenance, child contact, or the family home, this can cause a great deal of hostility between both parents, grandparents and other extended family members. Sadly, following a parent’s separation, through no fault of their own, children may lose contact with the other parent and that parent’s family.

Fortunately, there are ways in which bridges can be re-built, people can learn to communicate with each other once more, and these relationships can once again flourish; Family Mediation being one of them. Family Mediation works by giving people of opposing beliefs the opportunity to sit down in a neutral environment, with an impartial, trained Family Mediator. Family Mediation allows people to discuss sensitive issues, to look at things from all perspectives and at the same time diffuse any conflict and feelings of negativity to enable both sides to focus on the facts and to find a way forward by way of a mutual agreement. Agreements made in mediation can be made legally binding without the need to go to court and agreements do not necessarily have to be about children, they can instead include other matters for example disputes or disagreements over a property, pension, will and general finances. There are 12 mediation venues in most towns across Kent.

Legal Aid is still available for family mediation. Family Mediation is free for anyone who is assessed as being eligible to claim it, and this will entitle the other person in the dispute to a free first mediation meeting and a free first mediation session. Find out more about legally aided and affordable, private family mediation in Kent.

Father’s Day on Sunday 17^th June, with the odds stacked in favour of the weather continuing to be warm and sunny, it is the perfect excuse for Sons and Daughters all over the UK to spend some quality time outside, enjoying the sunshine with their Dads.

According to a study by Gingerbread, the single parents Charity, there are two million single parents living in the UK; 90% of these are single Mums and only 10% being single Dads. This percentage has more or less stayed the same over the past ten years, with the average age of these single Dads being 45 years old. Further study has shown that single Dads are more than twice as likely to be widowers, than single Mums are.

If this is your first Father’s Day, as a ‘Single Dad’, and your children do not live with you, you may already be wondering what you will be doing, and whether you will you be seeing, or speaking to your child on this special day.

Debbie Hillman from Kent Charity, Kent Mediation Service, says ‘If you find that you are in the position where you have split up with the other parent of your child and communication has broken down with them, or you constantly find yourself getting drawn into an argument with them, then please don’t despair, Family Mediation may be able to help. Family Mediation has been proven to work and can be paid for privately, or it can be free for clients if they have been assessed as being eligible to claim Legal Aid. Sitting down together to talk things through with an impartial, trained Family Mediator can help resolve a number of arguments, including; how much time each parent spends with the children, arranging holidays, schooling, homework and non-payment of child maintenance, through to resolving issues over money, debts, and what will happen to the jointly rented, or owned family home. Agreements reached in Family Mediation can be made legally binding, which does away with the stress, time, and money that it takes to have the matters dealt with in the Family Courts and it gives parents control of decisions that affect their own lives, and those of their children”.

Make a referral to attend Family Mediation in Kent.